Gird Your Loins

It’s here.

Where were you on September 1st? I remember that I was in my bed, scrolling through my Instagram feed when it happened… I scrolled by a sponsored Starbucks pumpkin spiced latte post.

My eyes shot out my head, and then started to melt and wilt from my sockets when I climbed out of bed and felt the cool breeze coming through my window. The temperature? 60 degrees. It was official. Fall had arrived.

Now don’t get me wrong, fall is pretty fantastic. I mean, the fashion, the cool weather, Halloween? And most importantly, my birthday? I just feel that some people can take it too goddamn far. Don’t believe me?

 halloween vine autumn friday the 13th jason voorhees GIF

Our nation is in the midst of a crisis, don’t deny it.

Never fear, my readers! Here are some handy tips for surviving (and pleasantly enjoying) this autumn:

If you see a Starbucks, run the other way.

Yes, Starbucks is the heart of the monster. The heart is known to attract its minions (mainly my kind, 15 to 20 something year old white women) in flock to drink its pumpkin spiced potion. My solution? Visit a local coffee shop! It will not only give you a chance to explore your neighborhood, you are also in for better coffee than whatever crap Starbucks whips out on a daily basis. I have made it a personal mission of mine to avoid going to Starbucks out of desperation, and so far, it’s working. If ya girl can do it, than my God, so can you.

Frappuccino loop trippy infinite starbucks GIF

You don’t ALWAYS have to leave your phone behind when you go apple picking, but it might help sometimes.

In reference to my earlier point, Starbucks minions (sorry, I mean 15 to 20 something year old white women) tend to be one of the leading forefronts of fall activities. The other forefront, in case you’re wondering, goes by the name of Anna Wintour. Anyway, it almost seems required in this day and age to document all fall activities on your smartphone, which isn’t inherently a bad thing, but can be taken too far when the activity is mainly centered around taking photos in the first place. Ladies, if you ever find yourself carving pumpkins because your girl gang wants to stage a photo opp for Instagram, than that’s probably your cue to leave your phone behind and actually indulge in the activity you’re partaking in. I am so guilty of it too, which is why this blog is as therapeutic for me as I hope it is for you.


However, if you have successfully put together an outfit with mixed patterns AND you come across an ivy wall, then you better damn well take a photo!

Don’t feel the need to conform to whatever Halloween costume(s) your friends want you to wear.

Hey, if a group costume theme or a couple costume theme is in mutual agreement, than by all means, go for it! I am merely addressing the fact that peer pressure can take the weirdest forms, and can even affect one innocent girl who wants to dress as Trinity from The Matrix for Halloween when her Starbucks minion gang wants the group to go as Bratz dolls.

Iliza text chat texting maniacal GIF

God help us, these Starbucks minions are going to kill us all…

But who am I to dictate what you should be doing this fall? Enjoy yourself! It’s sweater weather, so have fun with it. Speaking of which…


I’d like to give a special shoutout to esteemed fashion blogger Luanna for selling me this gorgeous sweater on Depop. I haven’t stopped wearing it, I’m seriously obsessed.

Happy fall, my lovelies! Over and out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s